"Journal Entry"

 

 

There are times when I will be at school in class and all of a sudden I get this feeling, a feeling that something has changed. I look around and everything seems to be the same, perhaps it's something inside of me. I am changing I suppose. But it feels like something deeper than that. I never do find out what it is that changed, maybe I'm hyper sensitive to other peoples feelings or something. Maybe it's some psychic-ness I possess. yeah, right psychic-ness? High hopes I suppose. But then I go thinking about thinking. How do we do it? Our brain is a muscle...how come it can make images, and none of the other muscles in our body can? And speaking of images....how do we see them anyway? How do we think? Why do we think? Why do we feel for that matter....what are feelings? Why do people's opinions "hurt" us at times and make us feel "good" at others? These are some of the questions that go through my head, I try not to think much, cause when I do I go into this state where I need to know answers. The questions annoy me to an extent that I want to scream. Soon the feeling passes, it is then that I realize that the whole school day has gone by, I have no knowledge of who I talked to...if I talked at all...what I did...if there was homework or a test. I seemed to have gone on with m life as if I were a wind up doll repeating the same thing over and over again.


I used to think that I was schitzo...I had symptoms of that. Not severe, but enough to make you wonder. While taking a shower I would talk to myself, or in my journal I would write to myself...no not like to myself in the future, but myself in the present and I would respond. Perhaps it was (and still is) my way of coping with what happened in the day. Or is it something more?
   1:Nah 
Me: What do you mean?
   1: You're normal
Me: Am I?
   1: Yes
Me: Then why am I talking to myself?
   1: I don't know

That would be a typical conversation. Must end this short, my mother is wanting to use the computer, and if she sees what I have written...she might think I'm crazy.

 


 

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