"Matthew"

"Coming Back"

The ringing of the phone had awoken her from her slumber, she was still so tired that she could barely open her eyes. Slowly she slid up on to her elbows while rubbing her eyes, in an attempt to help them open. She took a look around the room and everything seemed odd. Nothing was right, she tried to place her finger on it but everything she saw looked strange. It was as if she had awoken in someone else's room. Some of the things she recognized but they were in the wrong place. Who could have moved them and why did she feel as if she was in a strange place.

 Now wide awake, she could feel the fear begin to set in. Even looking in the mirror she couldn't recognize the person she saw. Though she felt lost and confused, she knew she was where she was supposed to be, she knew her name. It couldn't be amnesia, just the opposite, she knew everything was what it was supposed to be yet none of it seemed like it was hers. Even her own body didn't feel like it belonged to her. She slapped herself to make sure she was awake. What was going on she thought, am I loosing my mind, have I gone nuts?

 Just then the phone rang again, startled by the odd noise she turned and picked up the handle not knowing what to expect. She knew she should say hello but who was she saying hello to? "Hello" she said in a shaken tone. Then she heard a warm soothing voice come out of the plastic toy she had to her ear. "Are you feeling ok?" a mans voice asked. She recognized the voice yet could not see his face. "No" she said out of fear and went on to try to explain what she was feeling. "Don't move" said the warm voice, "I will be right there, do not worry". She hung the phone up feeling very cold and alone.

 Before she even realized fifteen minutes had past, the thunder of someone running up the stairs echoed through her mind. She heard the warm voice that was on the phone, but even when he said her name it sounded strange. She hugged her knees to her chest as her door slowly opened, in walked the origin of the voice. As soon as she saw him, something clicked and she couldn't help but leap up and hug him as if he was the only real thing she knew. He hugged her back even tighter reassuring her that everything was going to be ok.

 He stroked her unkempt hair with a big grin on his face as he coaxed her back onto the bed. As he knelt in front of her he went on to explain how she had a temporary break with herself and with reality, brought on by either stress or emotional pain. He attempted to quell her fears by telling her that it was normal. All she could hear or see was the caring in his voice and the concern in his eyes. "Don't worry" he said "I will always be here for you, no matter what". At that she began to cry, because she could now remember his name. She reached up to touch his face as she spoke his name aloud..........

 

"A Haiku For You!"

The luck of the draw
Has left me not knowing why
Life is an abyss

 

"Why Ask Why?"

He sat and rubbed his hands together even though he wasn't cold, he was just so deep in thought that he need to release it in some fashion. How would he survive tomorrow, he had no idea, his thoughts raced as his heart pounded from absolute fear. But tomorrow was just another day, nothing special yet he was still scared to death of the thought of waking up alone.

 One, as the song implies, is a lonely number and this he knew all to well. For he had so isolated himself due to his devotion to another that he could not cope with reality. Just the mere thought of waking up and going to work had him frightened to death but he had survived before so why shouldn't he survive tomorrow? Every day seemed to loom over his head as a cloud growing ever darker by the moment.

 What was life, he thought, why are we here, what is the reason for this insanity? He could only guess that it was a twisted game in the scheme of things. For how else was one to survive without working and paying the piper? Yet he was still haunted by the question, why! Why did life have to be this facade of utter bullshit just to cover what was real? Why, did people act in a way they thought they should act rather than how they truly felt? The questions would not leave his mind, for they would only torment him ever more than the day before.

 He thought back to his anthropological studies, his sociology theories and his psychology experience yet could not find an answer to his questions. Then it hit him, he was alone in his ideas but he knew that not to be true, for he had found another that seemed as true as he. He sat and rubbed his bearded chin and thought of she, the one he had stumbled across that seemed to understand where he was coming from. A smile of true joy spread across his face the more he pondered the idea that someone else may feel as he did about the world. For this was something he had been searching for, seeking out like a needle in a haystack and he found it. In her he had found it or so he thought.

 Did he really find what he thought he had found or was he just viewing it in the way he wanted it to be. "No" he screamed, she was real, he was not imagining or placing a blanket of what he needed to feel upon this one he had found. For it must be true, he thought, his will power was not great enough to will someone else into being what he had felt. At that moment, he collapsed from the shear exhaustion of pure thought overload. In his dreams, all he could muster was the question, "was he superimposing his wants upon another or was this other person what they seemed"? He could only hope that that this other was as odd as he was.

 But was it fair to call it odd or was everyone else odd? To him, everyone else seemed odd and only those that shared his labeled as odd views seemed normal. Yet was normal even the correct word, no it wasn't! Truly human seemed more apropos to what he believed was how everyone should be.....what they really are on the inside. Why should they hide it?

 

 

Back To Artwork