Story by "Anonymous"


I am so happy I found this web site. I thought I was the only person for years that has experienced this unreal perception of life.

 I have used drugs in the past: alcohol, pot ecstasy, mushrooms, coke and 'meth'. My first experience w/ DP is when I was using 'meth' one night and I felt extremely strange. My psychosis from there just went down the tubes and I did end up in a mental hospital. 

After being on a few different medications my life went back to "normal." I quit using all drugs for the most part except alcohol. My experiences w/ DP after this would only last about 30 seconds and go away. I remember asking people if they ever felt like everything they saw was fake, and of course no one knew what I was talking about. This really didn't seem like a big deal to me until one day I was sitting at work and this sensation came over me, nothing looked as it did just 5 minutes ago.

This was extremely difficult to deal w/ the first few years. I dropped out of college, and there were days I simply couldn't make it to work. I couldn't focus or concentrate and it was difficult to have conversations w/ people b/c my words came out all jumbled. I couldn't take any medications or drink caffeinated drinks b/c it would make my unreal feeling peak. It's been 6 years now and I have been able to somewhat manage this. 

My concentration and speech have improved a great deal, and I have a great job that I do pretty well at. I do have difficulty with looking out and seeing things as unreal and this does suck sometimes, especially when this disorder peaks. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever see things the way I used to. I'm trying to get into acceptance about this and all I can say is that some days are easier than others. I've been seeing a psychiatrists for depression and I told him about this affliction w/ reality. Now, I've told at least 30 different doctors/psychiatrists about this and he is the first one that said "yeah, I know what you're talking about" and he let me read a description in his medical book under Depersonalization Disorder. Holy Shit! I felt like for the first time someone knew what I was going through!  He did say this is curable, but unfortunately not a quick fix. Mostly he advised me to just absorb myself in feeling safe. It's interesting b/c I believe I created this disorder b/c of fear, and its fear itself that's keeping me here. I am able to take medication now, and I have tried various types of antidepressants. It helps the depression, but not the DP. I have come a long way w/ DP and I can only hope it will continue to get better. I've read quit a few stories and looked through some things on the Internet.  I am just really happy to hear that this doesn't actually make you go MAD and it is NOT a progressive disorder. 

I wanted to thank everyone for their stories b/c I do feel comforted to know I'm not the only one.

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