Story by "Barbara"
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I am glad to have someone to share my experience
with. I am 60 yrs old and just found out I've have de-personalization
since 3 yrs old or earlier. It was always after I went to bed and I would
look at my hands and know they were mine, but where was the "me"
inside of me. Terror would strike. I've never been dissociated , but I
would fall into a full blown panic attack. It mostly happened when I was
tired. I would run to my mothers arms who was exasperated
because she just didn't realize the stark terror I was feeling.
Years went by with a failed marriage and 3
children. But by then I discovered the wonder drug valium and alcohol.
With these 2 things I could "give in" and "feel"
myself through the fear. Then it was over. I felt I had finally conquered
the strange unnamed bugaboo. It was only a fear and nothing more. But I
became addicted to valium and benzodiaziapines and became an alcoholic.
I finally got a psychiatrist who put a
name to this damnable fear. It helps because for the first time I realize
I am not the only one. thanks for listening.
Barbara
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