Story by "Mac G"

 

My name is Mac G, I am an registered nurse and have been for the last five years. The DP started when I was about 19 years old some where around there.  I don't want to make this a long and boring story because people tend not to want to read everyone else's "boring" problem (smile). 

Anyway, some how I manage to work and go to school despite the DP (depersonalization). I remember suffering from depression in the 80's and also OCD (hair pulling in particular, and yes back then there was not a lot of treatment or information. 

The only thing I can remember is:  I was washing dishes one day (which I hated) an I said to myself,  "This is great", I can be here and not be here.  I didn't realized that I was embarking on a period of hell which lasted with periods of remission and exacerbations for the next twenty years.  I guess  I am about 55 percent "here", maybe less.  I might be in denial.  Within the last three years the DP has got so bad and effected my driving; the "worst " to the point where I drive with my sun visor down to decrease my perception of unreality.

Anyway somehow I manage to work a fulltime job, be a full time mom, and "pretend that I am "normal".  Oh yea I forgot to mention that I developed Tourettes Syndrome in my last quarter of nursing school.  After that I became pregnant with my daughter and the DP seemed to be mild compared to what it is now. I wonder if I will be able to continue to drive or even work?  It seemed at though when I was working it appeared less severe, but now it permeates all of my activities.  I am also a dancer and when I am dancing or doing something I enjoy it is "less bothersome".  I also recently found out that valium (5mg) is quite helpful.  Depression an anxiety are its predecessor and I truly believe that if these are kept in check than the DP will subside. I must also mention that I take Seroquel for the tourettes syndrome, and I truly believe this caused the DP to become worse.

I would truly appreciate some input from anyone else who might have info on if anti-psychotic medications may  worsen DP.

Anyway, peace out. I'm still fighting and I'm not giving up.  By the way I pray an awful lot and believe that I am destined for greatness and someone else will benefit from my years of suffering.  GOD is good and his mercy is everlasting.  So often when I read these notes they end off on a negative. 

I leave you with, peace , hope and love. 

MAC G. 

Back To Stories