Story by "Salem"
|This is brilliant! All these people
outside looking in, I'm gushing over. I'm 22, I do take a lot of drugs (I
make no excuses). I didn't realize there was a name for this feeling until
I found this site.
To be perfectly honest I've been walking around in a kind of stunned haze these last few months, giggling at the possibility that while this mental, screwed-up existence rolls onward, my own vibrant thread of thought is being overwhelmed by the staggering impossibility of this world. I didn't think that I had a mental illness when this first happened although I knew something had changed. I started questioning my own sanity, worried about the oppressive, unrelenting 'realness' of life until I came to a conclusion that this whole world is insane :-)
10% of the population lives in extreme wealth, the other 90% in extreme poverty. Where's the sanity in that? Countries in Africa (I'm ashamed not to know which ones) have as much as 25% of the population infected with AIDS! Jesus, these are real living people being infected with a fatal disease, unable to get the drugs they need because of the trade agreements made by the wealthy West (dats us folks) designed to keep the price of pharmaceutical products artificially high.
I have developed a survival tactic which I have to say has changed my life. For the first time in my life I think I have something bordering on happiness. My answer, for what its worth, is not to block it out. Dive into the world around you. Let it intoxicate you with smells, sounds and sights. Its OK. There's a subtle beauty around us that's there for those who know where to look. Look at trees. I love trees! Drop a tiny seed into the ground, 100 years later (nothing, not even a blink in the timescale of this universe), you have a tree. Its roots have dived into the life-giving earth, its branches have burst upwards to collect the life-giving light. That's amazing, I hope this comes across as what I'm trying to say, if I had more time to gather my thoughts this inner monologue might be better structured and hit home more clearly but the way it stands I'm pounding the keys, getting it out of me, soon I'll send this message and I swear I'll never come back to this site. Thanks to the people who've made contributions, I'm humbled by their honesty, they are all diamonds, to you whose reading this word here <-, you too are a diamond, a crazy flawed brilliant diamond, Shine on!
Don't take the anti-depressant drugs. This is
pretty questionable thing for me to say as I take quite a lot of illegal
drugs but I take them for enjoyment. I really feel strongly about this. If
you feel there is something wrong with you, then (I feel) you should try to
find a peace with yourself. Taking chemicals won't solve your problem, It'll
just offset for another while, flip the happy switch in your head. Goodbye
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