Story by "Terry"
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I've experienced Derealization since I was a
kid - back then it didn't cause me a great deal of panic, I didn't worry
about it and it passed.
As an adult, I've experienced this odd
sensation at times of great stress in my life. When I was 28, I had a
period of major depression that lasted about 12 months. I began to
experience Derealization about six months into this illness, and it
soon became the main focus of my anxiety. I visited psychiatrists,
psychologists and hypnotherapists - all of whom didn't really think Derealization
was a serious phenomenon. I tried several anti-depressant drugs, but the
side-effects (confusion, poor concentration) only compounded my anxiety.
It was only after a visit to my family doctor that I began to
develop some coping strategies. I was in a great panic, felt I was going
mad, worried that I might be a danger to others - I told my doctor this
and he said 'don't worry, everybody experiences this, it's called the
human condition. It's just that most people aren't intelligent enough to
realize it's happening to them.' he then assured me that I wasn't going
crazy, that Derealization is a neutral thing - it's our reaction to it
that makes it a problem.
In time I recovered from my depression and
the Derealization symptoms disappeared. It occasionally popped up
over the next few years, but I was able to ignore it - sometimes even
laughing it off.
For the last twelve years I've been very
happy. However, I'm forty now and I have been suffering from a mild
stress related depression since March. I'm coping much better this time,
however my Derealization symptoms have re-emerged. Sometimes I feel as
if I've had, maybe, three beers - I'm tipsy but not drunk. I sometimes
look at myself in the mirror - I know the person looking back is me, but
something is not right. My wife and kids seem somehow different - as if
an emotional bond has weakened. This hurts. But I know it will pass as
my life changes for the better. I coping without medication,
because I really need to feel 'sane.' I have tried St John's Wort - it's
a wonderful anti-depressant - the best yet. But it also creates a foggy
feeling in my head. I've stopped drinking coffee and alcohol and
taking pain-killers. I dose up on vitamin B12 and Gingko every
morning. These vitamins and herbs are terrific for concentration.
I'm hopeful. I believe if we can get
ourselves into a positive frame of mind, Derealization is something we
can live with.
Incidentally, I studied European literature
at university. My thesis compared Camus' embrace of the 'absurd'
with Sartre's rejection of existentialism. I passed with honors. (
it's easy to write about existentialism and depersonalization when
you have access to a primary source - yourself)
Good Luck
tc
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