Story by Beatriz

 

Iím 33 years old. I really donít know what it is I have, but I relate to most of the stories Iíve read here. Iíve never taken drugs (I onlysmoked pot once and I went through a terrible episode), I rarely drink alcohol. My life is pretty ďnormalĒ, has always been. I have a loving, affectionate family, have always felt loved and never felt alone. But Iíve always felt different then everyone else. My ďmentalĒ problems started when I was a little girl, mostly psychosomatic symptoms, pains in my legs, terrible dizzy spells, nausea. Then things got better, until my last college year, I had a strong episode that lasted about 1 year or more. After that so many difficult and important things happened to me, I got pregnant, I got married, I graduated from college, moved away from my city and started a married life. Things got really bad and I finally got divorced, which really helped a lot. I relate mental stress to this problem. After a couple more years, more pressure, more responsibility with my daughter, payments, debts, etcÖ I started again with this problem. Itís been two years now. Iíve done EVERYTHING
I can to get better, medical exams (everything comes out normal), psychiatrist, medication, psychological therapy (many varieties), everything available to me
and NOTHING has helped me with this condition. I started doing meditations, that made things a lot worse.
This condition limits me in every way, I have the most beautiful daughter a mother could ask for, sheís 8 years old and does not deserve to be going through
life with a mother like this. All I wish for is a normal day, a whole week of normality. I really try and try hard, do my best to be ok. I have a boyfriend, heís been with me for about a year and a half, heís great to me, my family is great and supportive, but nothing seems to help. I get desperate sometimes, Iím so scared all the time, I have panic attacks; I get these shaking attacks and wake up, sometimes during the night, and some mornings, feeling so strange. I still get dizzy spells and nausea. I donít know who I am anymore. I canít recognize myself in the mirror, not always, but it happens a lot and thatís really bad. I donít know
what to do anymore. What scares me the most, besides my little girl, is the idea that this is going to be with me forever. I canít stand the thought of living the rest of my life like this, no matter how long I have left to live. If anyone has any idea, anything that can help in any way, I would really appreciate it. Thanks.

I really wish the best for all of you out there with this same condition, we can not lose hope, maybe if we all stick together like this weíll find a way out.Thank you for this web site, itís actually the first time Iíve read other peopleís stories, I know Iím not alone anymore. Good luck. My email is: bmmmfr@yahoo.com.ar, if anyone would like to share anything else with me.




 


 

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